My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
third nipple confirmed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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