idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
