Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
