I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
