Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
