I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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