i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
