Can Purell be used as lube?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
