At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
