He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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