Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
