brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
