And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
