he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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