She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
