He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
