he puts the penis in happiness.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
