Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
