My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
