'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh god it's open bar.
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