): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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