I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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