um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
