Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
