I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
