I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
