It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
