Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
