I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
