woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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