...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
