What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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