im about as happy as oj after his trial
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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