mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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