I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
