Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
