I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
