Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had to cum in my sink.
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