Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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