Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
