How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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