just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
