Your face is a jimmy john
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
