Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
