And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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