idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
