I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
