I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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