Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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