soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
