The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
